Having a hard time starting a conversation with someone you don't know? You are not alone
It happens to many people. That feeling of wanting to talk to someone new at a meal, an event, a meeting; but getting stuck, not knowing what to say or how to break the ice. If you feel this way, relax: it's not that you're weird. You're only human.
This blog is not here to give you magic formulas or to tell you to "be yourself" (as if it were that easy). What you will find here are real, practical and non-judgmental tips to help you to overcoming shyness to meet people and start creating authentic connections. Let's take it one step at a time.
Why is it so hard for us to talk to strangers?
The short answer: because we are afraid. Afraid of making a fool of ourselves, of not being responded to as we expect, of drawing a blank or not being liked. And that's all fine. It's normal.
What's not so good is letting that fear paralyze us. Because there are people out there who are just as shy as you are, just as eager to have a real conversation, but who don't know how to start either.
Spoiler: you can be the one to take the first step.
How to overcome shyness when talking to strangers
Accept that it's okay to get nervous
We all get nervous sometimes. Even that person who seems super confident. Don't take it as a sign of "I can't," but as a symptom that you're stepping out of your comfort zone. And that's just what you need to grow.
Don't seek to be perfect, seek to be authentic.
Perfection is boring. What really connects is the real thing: that awkward comment, that nervous laugh, that sincerity. Being authentic opens doors. Trying to impress only creates more pressure (and more silence).
Find a context where you feel you
You don't have to just jump in and talk to strangers anywhere. Look for spaces where there is something in common: a themed event, a dinner with social dynamics, a group experience like the ones we propose in POPULIT. This makes things much easier.
Tips for overcoming shyness at social events
Choose events that really interest you
Going somewhere just to "make friends" can be a bit forced. On the other hand, if you choose something that excites you - a tasting, a themed dinner, a workshop - you already have something to talk about with others.
Go with others... but don't hide behind anyone.
You can go with a friend, of course. But avoid staying alone with that person all night. The idea is to socialize with new people. Agree beforehand to split up for a while to talk to others.
Set small (and realistic) goals
You don't need to talk to everyone. Just exchanging a few words with two or three people goes a long way. The more you do it, the easier it will be the next time.
Techniques to increase confidence and overcome shyness
The "minimum risk" technique
Start with small interactions: a comment in the elevator, greeting the waiter with a smile, asking a simple question at an event. This trains your brain to assume that "nothing is going on".
Watch your body language, not what you say.
Sometimes, what transmits more is not the words, but your attitude: look in the eyes, smile, have an open posture. You can be quiet, but seem approachable, and that opens doors.
Rehearse without being noticed (yes, really).
Mentally practice what you would say in certain situations. Imagine scenarios and how you would respond. It's not obsessing, it's preparing. That way, when the real moment comes, you'll feel more confident.
How to start a conversation if you are shy
Open questions: your best tool
Forget about the typical "Is everything all right? Use questions that lead to long answers. Examples:
- What brought you here?
- Have you ever come to something like this before?
- What do you think of X?
Comment on the obvious... it works!
Sometimes the simplest thing is the most effective. "This is so good!", "It's so hot today", "The music is great", "I don't know anyone, do you?". It's not what you say, it's how you say it or the attitude with which you say it.
Don't think about it so much: go for it.
The more you think about it, the harder it seems. If you see an opportunity, take it. Say something. Even if it's not brilliant. Even if it's dumb. Opening a door is better than staring at it.
How to overcome fear of rejection to connect with others
Rejection doesn't talk about you, it talks about the situation.
Sometimes the other person isn't in social mode, is having a bad day, or just doesn't connect. It's not your fault. Don't take it personally. Most of the time, the "rejection" has nothing to do with you.
Change your focus: from liking to connecting
It's not about everyone liking you. It's about finding those who vibe with you. If you go with the intention to "meet" rather than "impress," everything becomes more relaxed. And you connect more.
Train yourself in discomfort (yes, you can train that too).
Yes, it will be uncomfortable at first. And that's okay. Discomfort is the price of growing up. Every time you expose yourself, you're one step closer to feeling freer and more you in any environment.
Overcoming shyness is possible, and you are not alone.
You don't have to change your personality to make new friends. You don't have to become an extrovert. You just need to give yourself permission to try, make mistakes, laugh at yourself and move on.
And most importantly, you don't have to do it alone. At POPULIT we believe that connecting should be easy, natural and pressure-free. That's why we organize experiences where breaking the ice is easier (and even fun).
What if the first step was simply dare to come to one of?
